Calming Waters Ministry

Spiritual Abuse and Illness

2009-12-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

Learning to live with a chronic illness is a challenge many Christians face on a daily bases. Dealing with a chronic illness, in a church system that tends to be critical and judgment towards people suffering from a chronic illness and pain, can be devastating.

I have Gastroduodenal Crohn’s disease, Gastroparesis, fibromyalgia , and a wide varity of other complications associated with these disease and disorders. I have been dealing with the realities associated with Crohn’s sense I was a child, but this reality did not make me immune to the critical nature of many people with in the church system .

When I first realize that my stomach issues that I had faced as a child, were becoming chronic in nature. I turned to the church for support, when my doctor could not figure out what was causing my chronic nausea . When pain entered my life and a doctor accused me of being a hypochondriac , I turn to the church for support and compassion. What I got was accusation and condemnation because, I dared to call myself a christian in the face of the reality of my illness. After all a true Christians, one the has faith , would not be sick , let alone chronically ill. And if I was a true christian I would keep silent about my illness . And so I made every effort to keep my illness to myself.

But it is hard to be silent about your illness, and take an active part in church fellowship. Fellowship dinners, to me became a real challenge in the face of the reality that I ate barely enough to stay alive . So I would place very little on my plate, any only that which I new I could eat with out any trouble. The reality was , when I found myself trying to answer the question of why I was not eating very much, with either telling the truth and confess that I battled stomach problems, or lying and telling the person I was on a diet. Neither answer, help to insure that I continued to be an accepted part of the church fellowship. So I found myself either ignored and pushed aside by church members, or asked to leave.

I found myself over a 20 year period, accused of being punished by God with illness and asked to remove my evil presence from the church, I was called jezebel out to destroy the church with my evil ways, called a white witch praying curses on the church leadership…But the last straw that caused me to leave the church system altogether , was over my drinking a meal replacement shake in church.

I and finally got a clear diagnosed, but in the end there was little that my doctor could do for me, accept to continue to encourage me to watch what I ate. By this point in my life, I could not set in a church pew comfortable. I would have to set in the back, just in case I need to make a run to the bathroom. I was in so much inner pain, that I could no longer ware panty hoses under my dress, because the tops would push on my sensitive side and put pressure on the swelling of my intestinal track. I did not have any medical insurance, to pay for a feeder tube that the doctor knew I needed, since I was now dealing with a stomach that was half paralyzed. So I had to do the best I could , and resort to using meal replacement shakes to insure that I got the nutrition I needed to keep my blood sugar in check. If I could not I would find myself passed out on the floor.

The first time that I took my meal replacement shake , nothing was said. But I did realize that drinking it over a period of hours, and them making another when I got home, was keeping my nausea, and my energy levels balanced. I felt uplifted, finally finding some way of dealing with my stomach problems.

That victory continued to be mine, despite being told that I was in rebellion to church authority for not fallowing the rules set down by the church. I tried to explain to the pastor, and he said he understood, but he did not think that it was wise for me to continue to bring food into the sanctuary. When all was said and done, I realized I was tired of trying to fit into a system that could be so lacking in compassion. So I left the church world behind me.

God has been good to be, and His grace has continued to strengthen me as I continue to deal with the reality of living with a chronic illness. I giving Him all the honor and glory , for His blessed presence in my life. For His wisdom had given my the courage and strength to deal with my illness constructively and with positive results despite limited medical intervention.

In the last year, I have found myself ministry to people that find themselves battling chronic illness and spiritual abuse in relationship to their illness.. Planting in their lives seed of HOPE!

The Simplicity of Faith

2009-12-04T09:40:00.002-08:00

occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister names Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching. But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] as distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]! But the Lord replied to her saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and trouble about many things; there is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her. Luke 10:38-42

The clear meaning of religion is “ Return onto Bondage”. Religion tells us that God love comes at a price that most be earned through works. In other words, we most obey the church doctrines, attend church every Sunday, pay our tithes and commit ourselves to the pastors authority, and most of all we most be strong and health ( that is unless we are elderly). So we spend our lives running in circles trying to do everything right , so that we can earn the right to spend eternity with the Lord. As we make every endeavor to obey all the rules the church has laid down before us, we begin fear the lose of our salvation, and so we try harder. And in the process we become become burned out emotionally ,phsycially , and spirtually because of the struggle with in ourselves that to be a perfect Christian that we have come to believe is required of us by God.

The Simplicity of Faith

I believe that the Christian life should be a celebration. And yet too many believers don't even enjoy their Christian life, let alone celebrate it. Many people truly love Jesus Christ and are on their way to heaven, but very few are enjoying the trip. For many years I was one of those people … and so was Martha.

Martha was so busy doing what I used to do, running around trying to be perfect in order to impress God and every other person in the church. I complicated my relationship with the Lord because I had a legalistic approach to righteousness. I pursued many religious conception in order to improve my situations in life. I claimed God had healed me of my illness, keeping the truth of my pain and misery to myself, so that I would be viewed by the church as self-sufficient and a worthy person of value to the church and to God. I went to church every time the door was open, in order to win approval, even when I was so sick and in so much pain, I should have been in bed. All because it was vital to me that I be viewed as a women of faith and conviction. When every endeavor on my part to be accepted by others in the church failed, and I began to be verbally abused by the leadership of the church and by my so called brothers and sisters in the Lord, I began to resented people I viewed were exactly like Mary. Christians that seem to have no problem fitting into the church life with easy. Christians by all outword appearance, had no problem doing everything that was required of the church. While I on the other hand, never seemed to fit in, and was always on the receiving end of accusations. I had no conception of how deceived I really was.

My problem was that I was all Martha and no Mary. I loved Jesus, but I had not learned about the simple life He desired me to live. The answer, I discovered, was rooted in faith, an action on my part when discovered what it means to sit at the feet of Jesus, listen to His words, and trust God with all of my heart and soul. It was at His knees that I learned to accept His unconditional LOVE for me

Only Jesus!

Jesus came to this world and paid for our sins, taking our punishment upon Himself. He became our substitute, paid the debt we owed, at no cost to us. He did all this freely because of His great love, grace, and mercy. He inherited all the Father has to give and tells us that we are joint-heirs with Him by virtue of our faith in His Love and sacrifice. He has provided the way for our complete victory both here and hereafter. We are more than conquerors. He has conquered, and we get the reward without the battle.

How much simpler could it be? The gospel is wonderfully uncomplicated. Complication is the work of the church who has failed to accepted this simple truth. A church filled with Christians that look upon God as a father with a big stick, just waiting for them to screw up so He can wack them. And in the process they have belittled and ignored the simple truth of the CROSS!

If you want to live a complicated, complex, joyless life, spend your time trying to do something that can't be done without God. Try to live in the shadows of other peoples opinions and beliefs, and you life will be filled with pain and disappointments.

Return to and celebrate the simplicity of your faith in Jesus alone! And in doing so walk with Him in the Light of Life

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, " I am the light of the world.
He who fallows Me Shall not walk in the darkness, but will have the
light of life"( John 8:12)

In Gods Hands

2009-12-04T09:40:00.001-08:00

Are not two sparrows sold for a cooper coin? And not one of them falls
to the ground apart from your Fathers will. But every hair of your head are
all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many
sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31

I have been active in our local Hope Keepers for the last six years, it doesn't really seem that long, and yet we are planning a celebration to honor our anniversary of our first meeting.

When we first began our weakly meetings, we were strangers, with two things in common. One , we all lived with chronic pain on a daily bases. Two , we all had a personal relationship with God. From the beginning we each brought something vital to our group, the most important element was a unique prospective, born of our individual battle with chronic pain. In reality, I personally brought in to the group , something that they had never contemplated. While the ladies of our group dealt with the reality of chronic pain cause by an injury or pain that was the result of a progressive disease like arthritis , Parkinson disease, or some neurological disorder, I brought it to the group , a disorder I was born with, and with it the reality that I had been dealing with chronic stomach problems since a child, and which progressively got worse as I became an adult.

I have Gastroduodenal Crohn's Disease/ Gastorparesis. Crohn's disease although no completely understood by modern science is viewed as a genetic disorder of the intestines. My grandmother and my mother both we diagnosed with crohn's disease. In my case, the result of having Gastroduodenal CD, ( crohn's of the stomach ) resulted in my stomach becoming partially paralyzed. This disease has resulted in a life time of stomach misery, and over 30 years of stomach pain and cramps. Add to the fact that I was in a car accident that did damage to my lower spine, resulting in chronic leg pain, I life is a painful one.

I was once asked how I have been able to deal with a life time of fighting a battle with a chronic illness, with out wanting to give up on life. If you have read my book, you will come to realize that there was a time in my life that I prayed for death. But I was to soon learn that God had a purpose for my life that went beyond my physical limitations.

Dealing with the reality of a chronic illness and pain, has not been easy to deal with especially in the face of the reality that there is little that doctors can do to relive my symptoms. As a result, I have experienced good days physically as well as bad days. But despite the reality of the pain and misery that I experience on a daily bases, my life has been filled with many blessings. I have a loving husband and two wonderful children, four grandchildren that I homeschool. I have found my purpose as a motivational a writer, a teacher, a councilor, a webpage designer…a homemaker.

To answer the question concerning how I live with my illness on a daily bases, the answer is simple. I have placed my life in Gods Hands.

My Life In Gods Hands

From the moment we are born to the day that we move beyond this world, God is in control of our destiny. Despite what we may have come to believe , we are not in control of our lives. Yes, we do have a free will, and we have the God given rights to make our own decisions concerning the direction we take in life. We also have the God given right to make a choice to be happy in the middle of life's trials, or to allow ourselves to wallow in self pity. We have the God given right to be angry at the unfairness of our situations, or we can choose to place our will and our life in Gods hands, and lean upon Him for the wisdom to deal with out situation constructive.

The simple truth is, we have the God given right to reject Gods will for our lives and walk the rocky path of our own need to be in total control of our own lives. In doing so, our lives become ruled by the darkness of fear and doubt that comes form being out from under God covering. On the other hand, we can place our lives and our will in Gods Hands and in doing so find the peace that passes all understanding. In placing our lives in Gods Hands, we open our heart and spirit to the guiding hands of the Holy Spirit of God, and in doing so the choices we make become His choice for us.

Personally, I have no control over my illness our pain, I never know from one minute to the next when the chronic nausea is going to hit me, so I live moment to moment, leaning upon the Lord and depending upon Him to given me the wisdom and calmness of my emotion in order to deal with my flare-ups with patients and understanding. Getting upset over something I have no control over only make the problems worse.

As you struggle with the reality of your illness, lean upon the Lord and Trust that in Gods Hands you life can and will be one of purpose and fulfillment, despite your limitations. Just open you heart to God and allow Him to show you the way.

Spiritual Value

2009-12-04T09:38:00.002-08:00

Carrying the burden of a disabling illness is not easy. A chronic illness is one of the most difficult challenges in life. Not only can disease cause physical suffering, but it also can generate many deep personal losses. The loss of friends, family, financial stability, and the joy of participating in cherished activities that may be lost to an illness. Of the troubles that are associated with human experience, perhaps no one challenge can steal so many valued components of life as the struggle with a disabling disease.

There is another more obscure challenge of battling a disease that is rarely discussed. We live in a society that often sees those who suffer from disease of any kind as having less value than those who are healthy. This perspective is not limited to views on concrete personal value. It is also common for the spiritual health and value of those who are ill to be called into question. Is there something they may have done or thought that perhaps makes them ill? Could there be an unresolved spiritual problem at the root of their physical weakness? Do people who are ill lack faith, have an unresolved imbalance of spiritual energy, or possess a "spirit of fear"? Do they have unconfused sin in their lives that has left the door for illness open? Or are they being processed by a demon of infirmity ?

Is Health a Reward for Living the Good Life?

Many people with in the church today, feel that health is the just reward of living a good life, and illness is the punishment for one’s spiritual shortcomings. According to these views, health is a reward from God for good moral standing and spiritual achievement. A quick look at physical health in a person is often assumed to be a sufficient barometer for evaluating spiritual health as well. In other word, if a person is healthy and strong they are walking in in true spiritual health. If they are ill, they have low moral standards and are walking in sin and spiritual weakness.

This view has been around since mankind first began to seek the answers to why some people become ill or suffer misfortune, while others walk in health all their lives. Despite the fact that this conception has and still does open the door for spiritual abuse and neglect from those with in the church. The church still continues to preach the philosophy that clearly states; "Good Relationship with God, self and others is vital in living free from disease." ;"We are not going to get ill as long as we think right. "

As I battled with the reality of my own chronic illness, I found myself either accused and condemned of some of the most horrendous acts against the church, such as praying against the leadership, of being a Jezebel, or a caldron stirring witch. Or I was if the ministry was real nice, I was simple pushed to the side and treated as if I was caring some plague that might rub off. I lost count of the number of churches I was asked to either asked to leave or simple pushed out.

If this attitude was unique to one specific church or denomination, I could have shaken off the abuse and neglect that I experienced first hand. But these abusive conceptions all most destroyed me. For some where along the line, I two had come to believe that if I was more righteous , I would be health and strong. As my illness began to control my daily life, I know longer saw myself as a person of value. But more destructive than simply having low self -esteem, I began to believe that my illness was a sign that I was being punished for my evil ways.

Looking with in our own belief systems

We are often guilty of making surface judgments, even concerning ourselves whither we are ill or not. If a person is not battling chronic illness, they may find themselves unconsciously choosing to keep their distance and making blind spiritual assessments of the person in question who is battling a chronic illness. They may even find themselves coming to believe that reason they are healthy is based on their own right standing with God. In other words, they proclaim to themselves; ‘I am healthy and I did it’, instead of, ‘I am healthy, and I am blessed’.

On the other hand, should the same person become chronically ill, they might find themselves coming to believe that they have some how failed. They have failed to live up to walk in right standing with the Lord. And in doing so come to believe that ; " I am not healthy because I did something wrong." , I am not healthy because I am cursed." But is it possible that true spiritual growth can be stunted when we make such self-confident spiritual assessments?

In truth, I found my own value despite battling a chronic illness and pain. By opening up the word of God and finding what God has to say about my illness and about me as a person. Which began once I came to realize the simplicity of my faith in the Lord.

Forgiveness

2009-12-04T09:38:00.001-08:00

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another , if any man have quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. ( Colossians 3:13)

( Note- This chapter is dedicated to my mother Carolyn )

I always believed that I had a clear understanding of what it is to forgive another person. I really believed that I had forgiven my mother for the physical and verbal abuse, I received at her hands as a child. But my own understanding, and my own actions contradicted each other, and told the truth about the real condition of my own heart.

Yes, my understanding was faulty, when it came to understanding forgiveness. Because deep inside me, were in counted, I still held a lot of pain. Pain which surfaced every time my mother opened her mouth to speak.

There came a time when I came to realized my mother was not a very nice person. Although she would have conversation with other people that showed me that she could be a nice and considerate person, she couldn’t fine it with in her to have any kind of descent conversation with her husband or children, including myself. When she made and endeavor to talk to us, she always talked to us with hate in her voice. She was verbal abusive towards her husband and children to the point that we couldn’t stand to be in the same room with her. And the last thing we wanted to do was have any kind of conversation with her.

To make matters worse, her attitude effected my own attitude. No, I didn’t resort to talking to her the same way she talk to me. On the contrary, I reacted by crawled in to a hole of low self-worth. I found myself wallowing in self-pity because my mother didn’t love me, and feeling anger with myself because I couldn’t find it with in myself to be the person that I thought she wanted me to be. My self-esteem was just fine, unless I had to listen to my mothers critical tongue.

I don’t think that there is a child born even today, that hasn’t been taught from an early age that we are never supposed to contradict our parents. Or try to change their behavior in any way shape or form. I was not exception to this rule, so I simple took my mothers abuse even as an adult, in silent acceptance, and never said a word of how much it hurt for her to talk down at me.

What I failed to realize was that my own behavior of silence and anger, was just as damaging to my low self-worth as my mothers nasty words. The truth of the matter was , that although I couldn’t change her attitude, I could change mine.

An invitation to forgive

Paul and I had made a decision to move back to west Texas, to care for my ailing parents, after they had confessed to us that they needed our help. Of course, the easies way to take care of them was for all of us to live under the same roof. If I had know what I was getting myself into, I would have told them that there was no way I was ever going to live with them. My mistake was believing that just because my mother had stopped drinking that her attitude had changed. It would not take me long to realize how wrong I was.

Living under the same roof with my parents became a living hell. First of all my parents couldn’t be in the same room together with out fighting. The only time they were not fighting was when they were in their separate rooms. You would have thought that since they were separate, the atmosphere in the house would have been calm. On the contrary, if they were not fighting they were pouting like small children. Although my father never took his animosity towards my mother out on me or my family, my mother did. She became more abusive towards me than when I was a child.

Since the well being of my Paul and my two children were very important to me, I found myself making ever endeavor to keep peace in the house for their sake. I did this by working hard to take care of each of my parents needs. I became their personal care taker and maid. Doing even the most basic things that they could have done themselves, if they had made any endeavor to do so. I didn’t realized, until I began to find myself stretched to the limited of my physical and emotional endurance, that I was being used by each on of them to prove a point. To prove which one was more physically challenged and unable to take care of themselves.

One night, after listening to my parents argue, and having to deal with my mothers abusive behavior all day, I fell apart. I walked out into the back yard, sat down on the picnic table and began to wallow in self-pity, as tears ran down my face. I cried out to God, wondering why had I allowed my parents to talk me into move in with them in the first place. I knew what kind of people they were, so the only excuse I could come up with was that I had a moment of stupidity. Or maybe I was just hoping that before my parents died, that they would tell me that they loved me.

God has this way of making us face the truth, whether we like it or not. And as I sat there on that picnic table wallowing in self-pity, with tears running down my face. I began to see my childhood as it really was. Up to that point in my life, I had failed to accept that my mothers actions towards me as abusive in any way. After all, no child wants to believe that their parents behavior is abusive. We want to believe that the betting’s we receive, the things that we were accused of that caused us so much pain, was for our own good. Even in the face of sexual abuse, most children are satisfied just to be loved. And even thought they know that what is being done to them is wrong, that it makes them feel uncomfortable, it is the only love they have ever known. Our need to be loved by our parents, often over rides our natural sense of right and wrong behavior. That is why so many children keep silent about that abuse they receive and the hands of their parents, no matter how bad it is. It was not easy for me to look at my past and accept that my mothers actions as abusive, or that the abuse I received as a child had never stopped. Yes, I realized that her behavior was unfair and uncalled for, but part of me believed that her behavior was justified. That her actions were right, and I was the one in the wrong. At least that was what I had come to believe as a child, and continued to believe as an adult. But the truth was her actions towards me as a child was nothing less than CHILD ABUSE! And as a adult, continued to be just as damaging to my self-esteem.

As painful as My childhood was, I had never allowed myself to feel the true pain of the abuse I received. As I said ; “ I had come to believe that my mother behavior was justified. After all I was a very bad girl, and deserved such harsh punishment.” But in one single moment of realization , that I had been abused, the dam broke and the tears began to fall. Year of pain flowed from me like a muddy river, first I raged at God for allowing me to go though such abuse, then I became anger at my Dad for allowing it to happen, and then I became angry at my mother for not being a loving mother.

As the pain subsided , I cried out to the Lord. “Okay, I was abused, I accept that ! Now what?“ In one peaceful move of the Holy Spirit , I began to see my mother in a different light. I saw my mother as she really was, a bitter, angry, resentful , and unhappy women. A women that had allowed her own pain and unhappiness to rule her behavior. A women that believed that the best way to keep herself from being hurt by others, was to hurt them first. It was that truth that gave be the ability to forgive her.

We are never as innocent as we believe My personal pain is not that unique! I am sure that you have felt your fare share of hurt feelings, of anger, and the total unfairness accusations that another person has laid upon your door step. I am sure you have felt your fare share of feeling of betrayal. But then we all muddle our way through a world where even well-meaning people hurt one another. The truth is, when you invest yourself in any kind of relationship, you open your hearts to the possibility that you will be wounded by another’s disloyalty, it is a fact of life.

There are some hurts that seem to roll off our backs like rain water. These we quickly ignore. Not every hurt stick to us like glue. But some pain holds on to us, remaining like a stubborn stain on the fabric of our memories. This kind of pain, often flows from our dead past into our present reality. A parents abuse, a spouse who leave us in cold, a friends betrayal. These hurts don’t heal so quickly, nor can they be healed by our own determination to let goof our pain. This kind of pain require God intervention, in order to bring healing to the soul, and set the heart free of the bitterness and resentment that it naturally feel. Forgiveness is God way of inviting us into His world. To see other people the way He does! As people worth forgiving. Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another , if any man have quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. ( Colossians 3:13)

The truth is, we always feel like innocent lambs when we are hurt by another person unfamiliarly. I may have been maligned, betrayed, and in every other way abused, but being abused doesn’t make me the good person. Wronged person yes, but not the good person. We lose that right to be the innocent party the moment that we allow the hurt we feel to turn into anger, bitterness, and resentment. Our own actions, therefore, reduce the gap between us an whoever has done us wrong. After all ; “Two wrongs don’t make things right!” And the truth is, for forgiveness to be real and healing, it can not be toss down from a holy mountain, we most therefore descend in to the valley with those that have cause us pain.

The Bible tells us that; "When I was a child I spoke as a child, when I became an adult I put away childish things." It is natural for us as children to feel the pain of abuse and to react accordingly. Even as adults, it is natural for us to feel the pain of another person mistreatment of us. But as Adults, as children of God, we have a responsibility to deal with that pain constructively , or it will eat up our lives. Therefore, it is up to us to choose to walk the path of forgiveness. Or live out our lives in bondage to our own pain.

Gods love gave me back my self- respect

Gods unconditional love is the Power behind true forgiveness. Gods love is not some soft fuzzy sentiment that lets people get away with almost anything. Gods love does not require that we become rugs that people can simple walk upon as they see fit. God love forgives simple because His love is powerful. His love is powerful because it give us not only the ability to love others, but His love give us back our self-respect.

When you have self -respect, you begin to set limits to the abuse you are willing to accept from cruel and thoughtless people, even when those you love . You will not accept disloyalty from a friend you trust, or the betrayal of your spouse, or will you allow your children to treat you disrespectfully. Nor will you allow your parents to continue to treat you as a child, or in any other way that tares down your self-esteem. Such hurts go beyond the limits of what a person of self-respect will allow. As a result, I came to realize that I had to much respect for myself to allow my mother to continue to treat me as dirt under her feet.

I walked away from the picnic table a new person, a person filled with such love and forgiveness for my mother that my whole attitude changed towards her. I wouldn’t even begin to realize the full extent of that change until I found myself standing firm against her abuse. I simple told her to stop! I told her since I never talk to her that was, I deserved the same consideration from her.

To say my mother was shocked by my statement, would be an understatement. Up to the moment, she had never realized what she causing me any pain. Her attitude was one born of habit, one in which had been cultivated by years of alcoholism and living with a man she couldn’t love. Her actions were wrong, and they were abusive, but she never hated me. In fact, she told me that she loved me very much and she always had. This small step on both our parts, healed at of pain that both of us had carried with in us. All because of the power of forgiveness.

We are often blinded by our own pain, in the face of accusation and verbal abuse. We become so filled with anger , and bitterness, and unforgiveness that we don’t see God loving hand in our lives. We don’t recognize love when it is given to us openly and honestly. As a result, we live our lives empty and alone.

When we really open our hearts to love, Gods unconditional love, we begin to love ourselves and others with a sense of respect. LOVE respects people as human and allows them room to make mistakes and to learn from them. LOVE allows you to see yourself as lovable person. LOVE allows you to open up your heart enabling you to receive the LOVE your heart has always long to feel. LOVE is the power behind true forgiveness , because it makes you look within an examine the condition of your own heart.

Facing Accusations

2009-12-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those that love God, to those that are called according to His purpose. ( Romans 8:28-29 NASB)

In any kind endeavor towards communicating with any person, even with those you love, there is always the possibility of accusation. When it comes to accusation, whether that accusation is true or false, very few of us have every become immune to the pain of accusation. Very few Christians can truthful proclaim, that they have gain the ability through their Christian walk, to turn the other cheek. In fact, most Christians are more than willing to lay down their lives for the Lord, but few are willing to stop letting their feelings get hurt by accusation.

The simple truth, not one single person can with all honest say that they have never criticized another person, including myself,. The fact is, we all tend to give in to our dark side once in a while. After all, satin is called by many names, but his most effective guise has been that of the “accuser of the brethren”. Accusation has been his most effective weapon for destroying the light and witness of the Body of Christ, and for destroying relationships. Our ability to accomplish our purpose as Children of God, , will be determines by the degree in which we can deal affective with are tendency towards accusation.

Facing accusation Every human being has to deal with accusation of some sort. By the most part we tend to ignore a great deal of criticism that comes are way. But when we are ill or in pain, even the most minor accusation can cause us a great deal of unwanted pain. Especially, when we find ourselves being accused by those that we are depending on to give us the support and compassion that we need, in order deal with our illness and pain constructively.

The most important people in our life, when we are in pain and sick are those in the medical profession, in the church, and in our family. Criticism from any of these sources can leave us feeling devastated, and feeling forced to battle our illness and pain alone.

While dealing with my own health issues, I have been accused of being called a “Hypochondriac” (among other things), from by those with in the medical profession. I have come to realize, that ignorance often breeds accusation. The simple fact is, if you are a women you are more likely to be accused of having psychosomatic illness and pain. Or at the least, your illness or pain will be blamed on your hormones. Especially, if those in the medical profession can’t find a logical reason for your illness and pain.

Evidently, those with in the medical profession that are so willing to lay the blame for our illness and pain on the fact that we are females, have not read the resent national statistic which states; “ 40% of the physical pain people experience can not even be diagnosed“.

Dealing with a physicians accusation, can be hard to deal with, since we tend to depend on them to have that answers for our pain and illness. We depend upon them to know which prescribe medication will help us feel not only better. We depend on them to help us get our life back on track. When are expectations are not met, and we find ourselves facing unwarranted and unnecessary accusation, then we become hurt and lost.

On the other hand, we also depend on our family to give us the support and comfort that we need. The last thing that we need when you are struggling with our illness, is to find ourselves being accused on being lazy, unmotivated, or simple faking our illness to get attention they feel we so desperately need. This can leave us feeling unloved.

We also tend to depend on the church for understanding and support. And yet, I have found that this can also be another area of were accusation thrives. It is not uncommon for a person suffering from a chronic illness, to find themselves being accused of being punished by God with illness because of unconfused sin in their lives, or lack of faith in God to heal them. These kind of accusations can leave us questioning our salvation and relationship with God. These kinds of accusation can force us to leave the church, or send us running behind a wall of silence.

Why do people criticize us? I have heard many excuses for accusing another person, and have made up a few myself. Some accusations may seem noble and justified, such as protecting the sheep from wolves in sheep’s clothing, or protecting the truth, usually the truth as we see it. But rarely is there an accusation with in the church or with in the home, that is not rooted in territorial issues, or self-preservation.

Criticism of any kind is the ultimate manifestation of pride. Because when we accuse another, we are actually saying that we are superior to them. That we have more knowledge and wisdom, and that they should bow to what we know to be the truth. A person in the medical profession that criticize without thought, is prideful of their medical education. They refuse to accept their human limitation, or lack of knowledge. They refuse to accept the fact that there is still a lot that is not known about the human body.

A family member that criticizes, doesn’t usually accused because of any real animosity . They criticize because they have pride in their own opinion and beliefs. They are flowing in pride even when they are being verbally abusive. A Christian who criticizes others does it out of pride in their beliefs. They have come to believe that they are right in their beliefs and everyone is wrong. Pride brings that which any rational Christian should try to avoid, because of Gods resistance. For God resist the proud, but give grace to the humble. ( James 4:6) More to the point, A wholesome tongue is a tree of life…( Proverbs 15:4a)

A Christian should always strive to bring life. To be a person that encourages other people rather than tare them down, even if they are walking in sin. For no Christian should ever want to be a stumbling block. He said but whosoever shall offend one of these little ones which believeth in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. ( Matthew 18:6) But very few Christians try to make any endeavor to control their way wards tongue

Healing power of facing accusations

Facing accusation from any source can be very devastating, but it can also be healing if we look at criticism and consider the source. It rarely does any good to argue with someone that is accusing you, doing so will lead to a lot of unnecessary pain and misunderstandings. It there for become vital to our sense of well being to face accusation with a maturity.

Facing criticism from the church can help you grow in decrement, you will learn who you can trust with the information about your illness and who you can‘t. With proper discernment, you will learn what is right and healthy teachings with in the church, and to put aside those teachings will cause you a lot of unnecessary pain and hardship, and which teaching lead us in to a deeper and more intimate relationship with the Lord.

Facing criticism from a physician can teach you, that putting people on pedestal is not a health habit that should be encouraged. Doctors are human and can make mistakes, and medical science is not infallible. So if you find yourself being accused by a doctor, there is always another on just around the corner.

Facing family accusations can and will teach us, if we let it, to be open and honest about our pain, fears, and doubts with those we love. It can also open a new dimension in our relationship with our family members, if we learn to have a little more patents with their ignorance about our illness.

But the only true way that we can truly deal with constructively with accusations, is through the forgiveness.

Christianity vs. Religion

2009-12-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

Religion

Religion means "return on to bondage". It does not matter whither you are Baptist, Methodist , full gospel, Mormon, Catholic or Moslem . Religion of any kind is still religion, withers it is in the name of God or Allah . Religions has many faces, but the same belief structure that guides them, and it is not their belief in God no matter how hard they try to justify their actions and critical nature.

Religions tell a person that they most submit with our question to those that are in authority over the church. It does not matter wither the person causes more harm that good , as long as you submit.

Religion tells a women that if she does not submit to her husbands authority over her, she deserves to be beat. It does not matter whither the man is a monster and would beat her any way. As long as she submits even if it means her life may be at risk. Religions holds a women personally responsible for her husbands infidelity . If she would make an endeavors to be sexy and loving, she husband would not stray. On the other hand, religion also tells the women if he leaves her she is expected to live the rest of her life alone or find herself condemned by God for adultery.. Religions says there is one rule for men and one rule for women. Men can do anything the want, a women has to take what every he dishes out and be happy about it.

Religion does not accept illness of any kind, unless you are elderly and then it is expected. Confessing is seen as lack of faith in God healing power. And illness that leaves you unable to attend church is seen as laziness and lack of commitment to the church. Heavy people are viewed as being filled with the spirit of glutton and lacking in carrying for their body and hygiene. The poor have no place in religion for they are seen as a people that God has rejected and a burden on the church, the rich are seen as being blessed by God and an asset to the church.

Religion tells us that we most go to church or lose our salvation. It also tells us if we go to church on Sunday, we are going to hell in a hand basket. On the other hand, if we go to church on the Sabbath, we are just as insured by religion to make the same trip to hell. In other words, if we failed to enter the proper church on the proper day of the week we are bound for hell.

There is not place in religion for a guy person, an alcoholic, an drug addict, or bum that lives on the street, because they are seen as someone evil As a result, they are treated as if they have a contagious disease that might be catchy….

But then religion only looks and expects perfection in those that attend their church. And only those that no how to outwardly cover up their sinful natures and put on the deceptive mantle of perfection are accepted with in their circle. I am not perfect, I have a sinful nature. I am also not very good an actress to even begin to pretend that I am perfect in any way. As a result, I never fit into any church denomination that I attended for over 40 years, no matter how hard I tired. But then, neither did Jesus Himself.

Christianity

While the religious leaders of Jesus time, keeps the church in bondage to rules and regulations they called church doctrines. Jesus preached freedom! Freedom from rules that could not be kept no matter how hard a person tried. Rules that cause more heart ache and pain, than they were designed to do when God first gave the Ten Commandments to Moses along with a set of rules for the Israelites to live by . Rules that keep the Jewish people under the thumb of the church leadership, while at the same time keeping the gentiles out.

While the religious leaders of the Jewish faith, preached that they were the one true church of God and thus His only children. Jesus taught the people out side of the church about Gods unconditional love and acceptances. While the religious keep teaching about a God and His big stick. Jesus keep preaching about a God of forgiveness and mercy.

Today the church still has its sermons about God and His big stick. And Jesus, through His great sacrifice on the Cross, is still preaching about a God of Love, mercy, forgiveness to those that open their hearts to the truth of the cross and are willing to open their hearts and mind to the truth of His word.

Does our freedom mean that God does not hold us accountable for our actions? Of course He does. But He is not concerned about the small things like going to church on a regular bases, or whether you ware your hair covered in church or not. Or whither you agree with what the pastors is preaching from the pulpit. What He is concerned about is not the condition of your own heart.

True Christianity is not based on our religious convictions, it is based on the condition of a persons heart and on their personal relationship with the Lord. If we are close to the Lord, and rely on Him to teach us to love our neighbors as ourselves, then we will choose not to gossip, criticize or condemn another person. In other words, we will fallow His example and be the light in the darkness that brings healing with it. We well not go out of the way to condemn another person and their beliefs or lack of.