Spiritual Abuse and Illness

Friday, December 4, 2009

Learning to live with a chronic illness is a challenge many Christians face on a daily bases. Dealing with a chronic illness, in a church system that tends to be critical and judgment towards people suffering from a chronic illness and pain, can be devastating.

I have Gastroduodenal Crohn’s disease, Gastroparesis, fibromyalgia , and a wide varity of other complications associated with these disease and disorders. I have been dealing with the realities associated with Crohn’s sense I was a child, but this reality did not make me immune to the critical nature of many people with in the church system .

When I first realize that my stomach issues that I had faced as a child, were becoming chronic in nature. I turned to the church for support, when my doctor could not figure out what was causing my chronic nausea . When pain entered my life and a doctor accused me of being a hypochondriac , I turn to the church for support and compassion. What I got was accusation and condemnation because, I dared to call myself a christian in the face of the reality of my illness. After all a true Christians, one the has faith , would not be sick , let alone chronically ill. And if I was a true christian I would keep silent about my illness . And so I made every effort to keep my illness to myself.

But it is hard to be silent about your illness, and take an active part in church fellowship. Fellowship dinners, to me became a real challenge in the face of the reality that I ate barely enough to stay alive . So I would place very little on my plate, any only that which I new I could eat with out any trouble. The reality was , when I found myself trying to answer the question of why I was not eating very much, with either telling the truth and confess that I battled stomach problems, or lying and telling the person I was on a diet. Neither answer, help to insure that I continued to be an accepted part of the church fellowship. So I found myself either ignored and pushed aside by church members, or asked to leave.

I found myself over a 20 year period, accused of being punished by God with illness and asked to remove my evil presence from the church, I was called jezebel out to destroy the church with my evil ways, called a white witch praying curses on the church leadership…But the last straw that caused me to leave the church system altogether , was over my drinking a meal replacement shake in church.

I and finally got a clear diagnosed, but in the end there was little that my doctor could do for me, accept to continue to encourage me to watch what I ate. By this point in my life, I could not set in a church pew comfortable. I would have to set in the back, just in case I need to make a run to the bathroom. I was in so much inner pain, that I could no longer ware panty hoses under my dress, because the tops would push on my sensitive side and put pressure on the swelling of my intestinal track. I did not have any medical insurance, to pay for a feeder tube that the doctor knew I needed, since I was now dealing with a stomach that was half paralyzed. So I had to do the best I could , and resort to using meal replacement shakes to insure that I got the nutrition I needed to keep my blood sugar in check. If I could not I would find myself passed out on the floor.

The first time that I took my meal replacement shake , nothing was said. But I did realize that drinking it over a period of hours, and them making another when I got home, was keeping my nausea, and my energy levels balanced. I felt uplifted, finally finding some way of dealing with my stomach problems.

That victory continued to be mine, despite being told that I was in rebellion to church authority for not fallowing the rules set down by the church. I tried to explain to the pastor, and he said he understood, but he did not think that it was wise for me to continue to bring food into the sanctuary. When all was said and done, I realized I was tired of trying to fit into a system that could be so lacking in compassion. So I left the church world behind me.

God has been good to be, and His grace has continued to strengthen me as I continue to deal with the reality of living with a chronic illness. I giving Him all the honor and glory , for His blessed presence in my life. For His wisdom had given my the courage and strength to deal with my illness constructively and with positive results despite limited medical intervention.

In the last year, I have found myself ministry to people that find themselves battling chronic illness and spiritual abuse in relationship to their illness.. Planting in their lives seed of HOPE!