Spiritual Abuse and Illness

Friday, December 4, 2009

Learning to live with a chronic illness is a challenge many Christians face on a daily bases. Dealing with a chronic illness, in a church system that tends to be critical and judgment towards people suffering from a chronic illness and pain, can be devastating.

I have Gastroduodenal Crohn’s disease, Gastroparesis, fibromyalgia , and a wide varity of other complications associated with these disease and disorders. I have been dealing with the realities associated with Crohn’s sense I was a child, but this reality did not make me immune to the critical nature of many people with in the church system .

When I first realize that my stomach issues that I had faced as a child, were becoming chronic in nature. I turned to the church for support, when my doctor could not figure out what was causing my chronic nausea . When pain entered my life and a doctor accused me of being a hypochondriac , I turn to the church for support and compassion. What I got was accusation and condemnation because, I dared to call myself a christian in the face of the reality of my illness. After all a true Christians, one the has faith , would not be sick , let alone chronically ill. And if I was a true christian I would keep silent about my illness . And so I made every effort to keep my illness to myself.

But it is hard to be silent about your illness, and take an active part in church fellowship. Fellowship dinners, to me became a real challenge in the face of the reality that I ate barely enough to stay alive . So I would place very little on my plate, any only that which I new I could eat with out any trouble. The reality was , when I found myself trying to answer the question of why I was not eating very much, with either telling the truth and confess that I battled stomach problems, or lying and telling the person I was on a diet. Neither answer, help to insure that I continued to be an accepted part of the church fellowship. So I found myself either ignored and pushed aside by church members, or asked to leave.

I found myself over a 20 year period, accused of being punished by God with illness and asked to remove my evil presence from the church, I was called jezebel out to destroy the church with my evil ways, called a white witch praying curses on the church leadership…But the last straw that caused me to leave the church system altogether , was over my drinking a meal replacement shake in church.

I and finally got a clear diagnosed, but in the end there was little that my doctor could do for me, accept to continue to encourage me to watch what I ate. By this point in my life, I could not set in a church pew comfortable. I would have to set in the back, just in case I need to make a run to the bathroom. I was in so much inner pain, that I could no longer ware panty hoses under my dress, because the tops would push on my sensitive side and put pressure on the swelling of my intestinal track. I did not have any medical insurance, to pay for a feeder tube that the doctor knew I needed, since I was now dealing with a stomach that was half paralyzed. So I had to do the best I could , and resort to using meal replacement shakes to insure that I got the nutrition I needed to keep my blood sugar in check. If I could not I would find myself passed out on the floor.

The first time that I took my meal replacement shake , nothing was said. But I did realize that drinking it over a period of hours, and them making another when I got home, was keeping my nausea, and my energy levels balanced. I felt uplifted, finally finding some way of dealing with my stomach problems.

That victory continued to be mine, despite being told that I was in rebellion to church authority for not fallowing the rules set down by the church. I tried to explain to the pastor, and he said he understood, but he did not think that it was wise for me to continue to bring food into the sanctuary. When all was said and done, I realized I was tired of trying to fit into a system that could be so lacking in compassion. So I left the church world behind me.

God has been good to be, and His grace has continued to strengthen me as I continue to deal with the reality of living with a chronic illness. I giving Him all the honor and glory , for His blessed presence in my life. For His wisdom had given my the courage and strength to deal with my illness constructively and with positive results despite limited medical intervention.

In the last year, I have found myself ministry to people that find themselves battling chronic illness and spiritual abuse in relationship to their illness.. Planting in their lives seed of HOPE!

The Simplicity of Faith

occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister names Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching. But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] as distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]! But the Lord replied to her saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and trouble about many things; there is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her. Luke 10:38-42

The clear meaning of religion is “ Return onto Bondage”. Religion tells us that God love comes at a price that most be earned through works. In other words, we most obey the church doctrines, attend church every Sunday, pay our tithes and commit ourselves to the pastors authority, and most of all we most be strong and health ( that is unless we are elderly). So we spend our lives running in circles trying to do everything right , so that we can earn the right to spend eternity with the Lord. As we make every endeavor to obey all the rules the church has laid down before us, we begin fear the lose of our salvation, and so we try harder. And in the process we become become burned out emotionally ,phsycially , and spirtually because of the struggle with in ourselves that to be a perfect Christian that we have come to believe is required of us by God.

The Simplicity of Faith

I believe that the Christian life should be a celebration. And yet too many believers don't even enjoy their Christian life, let alone celebrate it. Many people truly love Jesus Christ and are on their way to heaven, but very few are enjoying the trip. For many years I was one of those people … and so was Martha.

Martha was so busy doing what I used to do, running around trying to be perfect in order to impress God and every other person in the church. I complicated my relationship with the Lord because I had a legalistic approach to righteousness. I pursued many religious conception in order to improve my situations in life. I claimed God had healed me of my illness, keeping the truth of my pain and misery to myself, so that I would be viewed by the church as self-sufficient and a worthy person of value to the church and to God. I went to church every time the door was open, in order to win approval, even when I was so sick and in so much pain, I should have been in bed. All because it was vital to me that I be viewed as a women of faith and conviction. When every endeavor on my part to be accepted by others in the church failed, and I began to be verbally abused by the leadership of the church and by my so called brothers and sisters in the Lord, I began to resented people I viewed were exactly like Mary. Christians that seem to have no problem fitting into the church life with easy. Christians by all outword appearance, had no problem doing everything that was required of the church. While I on the other hand, never seemed to fit in, and was always on the receiving end of accusations. I had no conception of how deceived I really was.

My problem was that I was all Martha and no Mary. I loved Jesus, but I had not learned about the simple life He desired me to live. The answer, I discovered, was rooted in faith, an action on my part when discovered what it means to sit at the feet of Jesus, listen to His words, and trust God with all of my heart and soul. It was at His knees that I learned to accept His unconditional LOVE for me

Only Jesus!

Jesus came to this world and paid for our sins, taking our punishment upon Himself. He became our substitute, paid the debt we owed, at no cost to us. He did all this freely because of His great love, grace, and mercy. He inherited all the Father has to give and tells us that we are joint-heirs with Him by virtue of our faith in His Love and sacrifice. He has provided the way for our complete victory both here and hereafter. We are more than conquerors. He has conquered, and we get the reward without the battle.

How much simpler could it be? The gospel is wonderfully uncomplicated. Complication is the work of the church who has failed to accepted this simple truth. A church filled with Christians that look upon God as a father with a big stick, just waiting for them to screw up so He can wack them. And in the process they have belittled and ignored the simple truth of the CROSS!

If you want to live a complicated, complex, joyless life, spend your time trying to do something that can't be done without God. Try to live in the shadows of other peoples opinions and beliefs, and you life will be filled with pain and disappointments.

Return to and celebrate the simplicity of your faith in Jesus alone! And in doing so walk with Him in the Light of Life

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, " I am the light of the world.
He who fallows Me Shall not walk in the darkness, but will have the
light of life"( John 8:12)